Day 4 ~ North Carolina

Oh my gosh, I'm writing this on Monday morning.  Day 4 was Friday and it seems like two months ago already.  But, Day 4 was definitely one of interest and excitement, to say the least. 

Friday morning, when I woke up, Dad was ready and raring to go.  The rain was gone, the wind was blowing and the sun was shining on occasion.  It was a different world.  Aunt Verdia had made eggs, bacon, sausage and more grits for breakfast, which suited me just fine.  I assured Dad that I'd eaten more on any day this week than I do in a week at home. And at home, I don't think that I've fried one pound of bacon in the past year.  The food is so different!  Being married to Granolaman, I think that hushpuppies and BBQ pork will happen once a year here at home.

 
We did more running, had BBQ sandwiches and hushpuppies for lunch, and headed out for more cemetery hopping back to the Sampson Cemetery again,  discovered two more generations there.  There were two more that I had names and no date for that I'd love to have found.  Right near the headstones of most of the people that we located were a dozen older headstones that had broken off and were no longer legible.  I felt certain that there among those were the people we were looking for.  I can not describe the joy that I felt in discovering these ancestors and having dates and a location to bring them to "life" for me.  It was exhilarating.  Even moreso, was seeing Dad's enthusiasm.  He was in tears, as was I, over the same joy.  We found a commonality that connected us even more.

 
Pembroke is a small town, where Dad knows everyone.  We were stopped at a traffic light and were flagged to pull over to a gas station by a man.  Dad said that he'd been wanting to meet me.  While stopped two other men came to the car to meet us.  Wherever we went, people commented that they knew I was coming to visit and had hoped to meet me.  Many of these people were names and faces that vaguely came back from my childhood. It was so interesting how some people just reappeared in my mind as soon as we spoke.  Dad and Aunt Sue both commented on how shocked they were by my memory. (I'm so glad that I can remember my childhood because I can't remember five minutes ago, in my old age! ;)  )  

 
Much of Dad's and my activity came from me sharing a memory from my childhood and then Dad taking me to the place to recall it.  I had described one fun memory of swinging on a rope from a tree into a river.  (I don't believe that I actually swung alone, but do remember Dad swinging me and playing in the water on the bank while the big people did it.) I described the river being down a little hill from an old church and woods and a bridge. Later that afternoon, as we drove around a curve, there it was!  Dad said, "That might me the place you were talking about" and before he could get the words out of his mouth, I was saying, "Dad!  That's the river!"   We stopped and took some pix. There is a sign posted for no swimming now and the swing is gone because Dad said that too many people had drowned there in the deep waters.  But, I relived the memory, just as well.  It's fascinating how our memories come back to us.

Later in the afternoon, one of Dad's cousins, Shelby Jean, came to visit with her daughter, Terri. Terri is my age and they had moved to Miami just before we did in the late 60's.  I could remember staying at Shelby Jean's home on Saturdays in Miami when Mom worked.  Terri and I would play Barbies (they were new then) all day long and how I loved it. It was such a thrill to see someone who I actually was older and had many detailed memories of.  So much fun and oh, my heck, we laughed through the whole visit!  I'd loved to have had more time with them!

 
My cousin, Kent, (Aunt Sue's son) had offered to take Dad and I out to get fresh seafood for dinner and so, we all met at the restaurant and this was one of the highlights of my week.  Visiting with the whole family together, getting to know Kent better than I ever have, making connections with his family and eating this delicious southern seafood, how could it not be!  Oysters, clams, fresh flounder and shrimp.  I do believe there were some hushpuppies involved (the best yet).  Great food and better company!

 
After dinner, we went back to the house to settle down for the night.  I did not want the night to end.  Kent and Aunt Sue came over to visit until late and I so did not want them to leave.  I loved every word out of Kent's mouth.  He invited us to drop by in the morning before I left.  Interestingly enough, whenever I travel, I plan to leave in the mornings, as early as possible because I'm always so ready to get home.  I knew that when he made that invitation, it would probably never happen,  but, when I woke up, I couldn't wait to get over to Kent's house and spend more time with him!

  
After everyone left late Friday night, Dad and I decided to get ready for bed then reconvene for a latenight visit.  I walked into the kitchen and the evening plans were abruptly changed when a knock came at the door.  Dad looked at Aunt Verdia and I knew that something was up.  In walked Aunt Verdia's grandson, who's lived a very hard and rough life.  A tractor ran over his head in the tobacco field when he was seven years old.  His face is disfigured.  Today, he is a homeless transient, and he shows up, Dad said, about once a month for a shower and then disappears again.  He was intoxicated.  When he came in, he stopped and just stared at me, as he didn't expect me to be there.  Standing there in my nightgown, I quickly excused myself and went to my room.  He stayed the night in the living room, so my latenight visit with Dad was cut short. I do have to admit, the whole situation made me nervous.  I slept with my door locked, although Dad told me that he'd probably be gone before I woke up. He was.  This was an interesting experience worth mentioning because, although the thought of a drunken transient sleeping outside my door frightened me, my heart ached for this man, who's circumstances of life were changed by an accident caused when he was just a child.  Aunt Verdi and I were talking about it and I told her that I believe that the special ones are here as a test to see how we'll treat them.  (Ironically,  I'd set up my Blast from the Past blog entry for that same morning on this topic, two weeks before, not knowing that I would be facing this on that very morning.)

On Saturday morning, I was up bright and early, packed and ready to go.  After goodbyes with Aunt Verdia, we went over to cousin Kent's home and spent an hour and a half visiting with Kent and Ronda.  I. Did.  NOT. Want. To. Leave.  Saying goodbye to Kent was harder than I thought it would be.  He could sense my feelings and said, "You don't want to go, do you?" He then commented that he had noticed that I had found a peace here and it showed.  I did.  I felt so connected to my dad, to Kent, to our past and so many good memories of my childhood had come back.  Maybe it was because I wasn't old enough to see that my parents marriage was headed nowhere, maybe it was because we moved every few months and no longer than a year while I was a child, maybe it was because of the roots that I knew and had discovered more of.  BUT.  I do feel that this was the only place from my childhood that I could or would ever call home.   My dad had built our home there. It's still in the family.  My memories of grandparents and cousins all took place there.  It is home.  Saying goodbye to Kent was hard.  Just before I left, he gave me a Native American gift made from a tortoise shell.  Kent dances or danced at powwows, his home is all Native American decor.  He wears our heritage proudly. I was so touched by his thoughtfulness.  I just love Kent and his family!

Saying goodbye to Dad. I don't even think that I can put it into words. Dad is very close to Kent's wife,  Ronda.  She watches out for him, keeps track of his medical situation, just loves him like he was her father.  When I arrived, Dad was planning his death.  This was to be goodbye.  Ronda kept teasing Dad that he needed to make a Plan B because he might still be here in 20 years.  Dad was fine with Plan A. He was pensive the first day that I arrived and I could feel that he was just reliving his life, with many regrets.  Each day, he seemed to lighted up a bit, although he never did become the boisterous, jovial man that I remember.  We talked a lot during our hours driving from place to place all week.  I have no resentments to my dad.  I adore him. Always have.  Always will, regardless.  By the time I left, I truly felt that he knewthis.  I said to him many times, "Dad, do you know how much I love you?"  He does.  So.  Our goodbye was tearful. I think that Dad thought of it as "the last time".  I wouldn't accept that and said, "You get better and come out this summer.  Then, I'll come out and see you again next spring!"  I wouldn't say goodbye.  We were both bawling and he held me like he was never going to let me go.  Kent had left us alone for a time to say our goodbyes, but he walked back as I was getting into my car to drive away.  I was so grateful that he was there for Dad.  It was a long and tearful two-hour drive alone to Raliegh Airport.

 
Now, I must skip ahead.  I'll write about the trip tomorrow.  What a day.  But, I must share that yesterday, I came home and spent some time on Ancestry.com putting together the facts that I discovered while they are so fresh.  I talked with Dad four times yesterday.   We laughed and cried.  He told me over and over how much he enjoyed the time together.  BUT.  Here was the good news. He told me that he'd called Ronda yesterday morning and told her that he has a Plan B!  He told her that he's going to get better and come to see me and my family this summer.  As we talked Family History through the day, I had discovered a few more facts.  We'd planned to go to Ten Mile Cemetery on Friday, even though we doubted that we had people there, but I'd offered to pass on it because I could tell Dad was tired. As I discovered some death certificates yesterday, I found that we have a whole other family line at this Cemetery.  Dad said that he'll go and get the dates for me.  We discussed my going back and doing more of this together when I return.  He said, "Now we have a Plan C, too, darlin!" 

My dad has found new reason to fight this cancer and to not just give up and let it beat him.  This came, as a direct result of our time together.  He realizes that he's not just going to die a lone man in the world, but that he has purpose and reason.  I cry as I write these words.  I feel as though we both gained so much from the experience of being together.  Dad wasn't there much when I was growing up. But, never once in my life have I questioned that he loved me.  He just never grew up himself.  I think that we both did some growing up together last week.  What a gift to us both. I love my dad. Enough said about that.

Now, one last huge surprise from the trip... Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm OCD about germs and have very quirky anxiety (from being raised by my over-protective and paranoid mother.)  From the moment that I stepped off that plane, to the moment that I walked in my door at home, germs never bothered me one second.  I touched doorknobs, moldy moss covered headstones, went into places that normally would have had me climbing the walls, ate things I'd never eat.  I didn't use hand sanitizers once. I didn't wash my hands obsessively at all.  I didn't worry about who had touched my food first.  Very strange.  But, so awesome.  I'm hoping that whatever clicked in my North Carolina brain doesn't unclick here at home.  It is something that I've prayed for for quite some time! 

The whole trip couldn't have been better.  Seriously, four of the best days of my life. I came home to a clean house and a lot of laundry.  Doug and the babes were sound asleep when I arrived at one thirty six in the AM.  I didn't wake the babes but Doug and I sat up for an hour talking.  It had been a long and emotional day.  Details of the flight home tomorrow... a few good laughs, a few more tears.  The babes were so happy to have Mom home. Doug and I couldn't hug and wink at eachother enough.  General Conference, cinnamon rolls, relaxing family Sunday at home. And the whole family is tawking a bit lak me today.  Life is good!  Enough said.

For some moments in life there are no words.

Comments

[Katie]

oh my- those people are your family for sure! You all look alike- I love it! What an amazing week and blessed time. I am so happy for you Sophia:)

[Pamela K.]

I have loved your stories about your trip back "home". I really hope that you can make it back there again to visit soon. Have the bigs or littles been there yet? If not, at least one of them should go. I am really wanting to take my son back "down south" to visit family and where my parents grew up soon. He was only two last time we were there, so I know he does not remember. Roots are so important in my family as I know they are in yours. Thanks for sharing your stories!

[Gayle]

Again, oh, my, oh, my! What a journey this has been for you and your Dad. I am so thrilled that you were so satisfied and happy on this trip. You did give your Dad a reason to fight even harder for life. Your blog has become even deeper and richer for me and for your family...love, G.O. G.O.

[Debra Guerrero]

Sometimes, all it takes is a Daddy to put the entire world back in order. Cherish every moment you can with him. I miss mine, more than I can ever express.