three Rs

Soapbox time again:

Last night, we were watching Survivor. Phillip, this season's crazy guy who says that he was a former CIA agent), got upset because the other team,which he's been treating like dirt for days now, wouldn't share their rice container (not the rice, mind you, but the container.)  He went off!  Then, white guy Steve called him crazy.  Phillip, who's black, got all kinds of cranky and said that what Steve "really" meant by crazy was - "the N word".  Holy cow!

The entire group were all stunned by the way he went off.  NOTHING had been said about race and from the looks of it, nothing had even been thought along those lines. I think that all of America watched in disbelief as this man went ballistic throwing his little crazy tantrum over something that he'd conjured up in his head.  It was hard to watch.  I've been totally entertained by the "weirdness" of this guy, who we refer to as "Pink Panty Phil", since Day One of this season of Survivor.  (It happens to be my favorite season ever.)  BUT.  This wasn't funny, it wasn't entertaining, it was plain offensive.  He was the only one there with a problem! 

I once knew a father and son, who had been at battle for years.  In his later years, the father wrote the son a letter 20 years ago apologizing for all of his wrongs.  In the letter, the father accepted responsibility for his wrong-doings and acknowledged that he knew that he would have to pay the price for his own actions at some point in his lifetime.  The words he used were "what goes around, comes around".  The son read the letter and immediately was on the defense, reading "between the lines" that the father was threatening him with "I'll get even with you for what you did to me."  From "I'm sorry" to "You'll be sorry".  I'd heard both sides of the story several times, as well as watched from a distance, the events that brought this situation to a head.  It was heart-wrenching to see these two men, so alike, lose such an important relationship because one was looking for a reason to be angry or take offense and so unforgiving.

Having raised six children, I've seen it in my own children.  We all do it at one time or another.  We take offense when none was intended.  My favorite Brigham Young quote, which I've repeated here many times is this: He who takes offense when offense was not intended is a fool, yet he who takes offense when offense is intended is an even greater fool for he has succumbed to the will of his adversary."

A while ago, I was hurt by a situation that just did not make sense to me.  It still doesn't.  My first reaction was to call the person on their actions and let them know that I wasn't stupid, but fully aware of what had actually happened. Others had confirmed the truth of the matter and encouraged me to because I would have been justified. I didn't act on that impulse and gave it time.   It would have been much easier to react and it was hard not to.  BUT.  In thinking about it, I'd have just been feeding the fire and made the situation worse. Instead, I kept quiet, I smiled through it (although I did shed a few tears on my own) and I'm still alive.    I've learned from the situation and at this point, I have no regrets in the matter.

This month, I've been studying and preparing for the lesson that I'll be teaching Sunday in Relief Society.  It's by Thomas S. Monson and is about the three Rs of Choice.  They are 1. The right to choose. 2.  The Responsibility to choose. and last, the Results of Choice.    For some reason, while watching that show last night,  I thought about the lesson.  We choose our actions, yes.  But, we also must deal with the consequences.  There's a great quote in the lesson:

No temptation, no pressure, no enticing can overcome us unless we allow such.  If we make the wrong choice, we have no one to blame but ourselves.

I love this quote. I tell the kiddos, "Make good choices" as they go out the door each time.  We quote "the choices we make today determine our happiness tomorrow" often.  I write about this at least once a month, but it's a mantra worth repeating.    We choose whether to take offense, we choose whether to act or to react.  We choose our own happiness and mood.  We can choose our choice, but we can't always choose the results of that choice.  We just get to deal with them.  I say it again, "Choose wisely."  Enough said.

 May we be filled with gratitude for the right of choice,
 accept the responsibility of choice and ever be concious of the results of choice.

Comments

[Kip]

so true Sophia!! Love the quotes!

[audra]

thanks for this post. I think it will help me with my 6 year old. i guess i"ll have to put it on the fridge to remind me.
Phil is "special" allright. Apparently he didn't know to separate his whites from his reds. LOL