Martha REALLY doesn't live here!

Last night, I dreamed that my dad,  Aunt Sue, her granddaughters and daughter-in-law and my Grannie (who's been gone for over 20 years) surprised me with a visit from North Carolina.  They got out of a limosine in front of our home and started to walk up to the house.  I was mortified because there were dishes in my sink!  SERIOUSLY, Sophia?  My grannie, who I miss every single day of my life comes to visit and I'm worried that she's going to see dishes in my sink?  I invited everyone in to take a seat in the living room while I raced into the kitchen to clean it up.  When I finished, I went in to visit with everyone and found everyone was sleeping. They woke up to tell me that it was time for their big surprise.  Everyone was already beautifully dressed and I was still in my jeans.  It was time to go, so we jumped into the limo and off we went with me feeling completely underdressed.  When we arrived at our destination, we were the special guests at the American Idol Finale.  Ryan Seacrest was just welcoming us and announcing to the world that one of my cousin Kent's daughters, Nahaven, had quit smoking.  The whole world was cheering for her huge accomplishment when ---- I woke up.

Doug was knocking on the door of the tent trailer.  I'd slept outside in the tent trailer with the babes last night for our first test-run.  For the record, even with the internet and my laptop to entertain me (I watched Celebrity Apprentice) in our driveway and a heater keeping us toasty warm all night long, I'm not sure I'll ever be a true camper.  I love camping... at the Marriot! 

I digress.  Yesterday was insane. Quayd woke up sick.  No school for him.  When I went to leave for early errands and lunch with Denise, the garage door would only open half way.  Mr. Nobody seems to have walked off with the only key to the tent trailer and the remote key to my Expedition.  A locksmith came to the rescue. (Although I still had to wait for Doug to open the garage door.)  Denise came, picked me up to go to lunch and we came home for a few games of hand and foot. Piano lessons for the girls, then Doug came home with a mile long To Do list of his own.  With the trailer unlocked, we could finally have an unvieling for the kids.  We lost track of time and the kids missed their youth activities at church.  Dinner was not started until 8:15.  Pancakes.  That tells what kind of a day it had been right there since bedtime is at 8:30.    INSANE day.

Now, all this has a point.  In the midst of all of this, I had a sink full of morning dishes.  This is not normal in my house.  ZJ had not really "finished" her kitchen chores the night before. I'd planned on having her finish her job after school, plus morning dishes to remind her that we don't quit in the middle of a job and a job worth doing is worth doing well... blahblahblah... Mean Mom Me! When Denise came in to play cards, she actually took a picture, teasing that she's never seen dishes in my sink.  I was mortified.  All afternoon, I felt embarassed that Denise saw dishes in my sink!  Now, mind you, that this is Denise, who's been more like my sister than my friend for the past twenty-five years.  For better or for worse.  For.ev.er.  I know... this is just not right.

And then, as I was walking to the kitchen to make pancakes for dinner at 8:15PM on a school night the doorbell rang.  It was our good friends, Todd and Myra, dropping by to visit.  We love Todd and Myra and love that they know that they can just drop by anytime. Their visit was a perfect way to unwind at the end of such a harried and crazy day.  And then I thought, "THE KITCHEN!!!!"  Now, not only did it have morning dishes, but it had afterschool snack dishes and Doug's lunch dishes and and and.  AND.  I said, "I'm just about ready to start dinner.  Come on into the kitchen, but be prepared, it's a disaster!  And know this - I reeeeeeeeeealllllllyyyyyyy love you guys to feel comfortable enough to let you even see the mess."  Late dinner, the table wasn't set, pancakes for the meal, at that, dirty kitchen, and company? Martha would be outraged!

We visited while I cleaned up the mess and started the pancakes.  I apologized that ZJ had not done the most thorough job in the kitchen and my day had been horrific.  We had a fun visit and when they were ready to leave, Myra, who is one of the sweetest, kindest, non-judgmental women I've ever known in my life made the most profound statement.  Myra, who works full-time and is one of the most remarkable moms I've ever known, said, "Sophia, I'm so glad that you let me see that your kitchen isn't always perfect!  It makes me feel better about my own." (Her home is very clean and tidy!) and then came the profound part..."And you're right. It's important to just praise ZJ for what she did do in the kitchen.  Her self-esteem is so much more important than the dishes." Oh. Myra.  If you only knew.  I'd been thinking, "Dangit, ZJ!"  ever since Denise had walked in hours before.  I'd not said anything to her about her performance, but only because I'd not had time to yet!  How grateful I was for that sweet little lesson learned in Myra's one statement.

Hence, the dream.  I'm certain that between my absolute horror that someone see that, as Doug reminds me gently, but often, "We live here." and my constant worry about my dad (the radiation treatments are kicking his bootie right now and he was actually in the hospital again yesterday), all of these deep rooted thoughts manifested themselves in my dream. 

I'm late blogging this morning because I've had company since 7:30, starting with my mother. Denise came by for an hour.   Erin dropped by for a bit and then I took Gracie in for her root canal.  (We're almost done with all the dental work!  YAY!)  I shared my dream with Denise this morning and I actually cried to think that I've been so shallow and silly about something so trivial as dishes in the sink.  Thankfully, lessons learned yesterday.  In all that craziness...

1. CHILL OUT, SOPHIA!  We do live here! 
2. Sloooooowwww dowwwwwwn.
3. Definitely not the first time I've learned this lesson, but obviously, I needed the reminder...People matter more than things. 
4. Most important...Praise loudly, blame softly.

Enough said.

To belittle is to be little.

 

 

Comments

[Nicole]

I really enjoyed reading your post today! And this pic of the ladies from the 50's washing dishes in high heels, too funny! And I know exactly how you feel about the kitchen being untidy when you have company, "knowing" you, I am sure your kitchen was not a mess, just untidy!

[Trish]

I second what Nora said: Thank you for the reminder that I and my house dont have to be perfect at every moment... sigh !!

and the praise loudly blame softly is a needed reminder right now as I deal with the of so fun 3 yr old attitude! :)

Oh, and your how to cookie instructions were very timely this week too- thanks to the blog, I made sure to cool my pan in between batches last night- much better!

[JaYne]

Girl, some days you just have to go with it and realize THIS is not the worst thing that can happen!
I always tell my friends, I'm not coming to see your house, I'm coming to see YOU!

[Pamela K.]

Let's put it this way. Even though I only know you through your blog, I can see that your version of dirty is my version of clean.;-) Your dream totally cracked me up. I was giggling as you are telling about your dream. But that part about Ryan Seacrest congratulating your cousin had me roaring! Thanks so much for the laugh. I needed that! And don't you just love 1950's moms? I can't walk in those heels, much less wash a sink full of dishes. :-)

[Nora]

Why does this remind me of myself !!! Thank you for the reminder that I and my house dont have to be perfect at every moment... sigh !!