roots

A little Monday morning rambling, first:

• We're running the furnace again this morning. We'll be doing this off and on for the next few weeks, I'm sure.  Our weekend was definitely weather impacted... it was hot during the parade, but by afternoon, the wind picked up and we about blew away most of the rest of the weekend.  Rain and wind sort of put a damper on things like fireworks, unfortunately. 
• I finally had my Sonic hotdog.  For Date Night, all I wanted, was to go to Sonic and eat a hotdog at the drive-in.  We tried them all.  I do not eat mustard.  EVER.  Until now.  Seriously, grab $2 and race to Sonic today for a Chicago Dog.  WOW!  They were so good that we came home from the parade on Saturday and made them at home... mustard and all!
• Twelve more school days!
• I made rhubarb cream cake for dinner at Carol's yesterday afternoon.  It's time!  If you didn't try it last season, go to my cooking blog, find some rhubarb and try it!  You'll love it, even if you don't love rhubarb!

I spoke with Dad this weekend a few times.  He sounded better than he has in weeks, which was so wonderful.  He has 0ne last chemo treatment tomorrow and 7 more radiation treatments over this week and next.  Then, we pray and wait for results of his tests in a month. 

This past weekend,  some of my dad's cousins, one uncle and two aunts got together with him.  They had their own little family reunion without me.  Sadness.  (Seriously, I was green with envy but thrilled for them to be together and they sent me pictures!  Here's Dad and my second cousin, Paula, who I remember well from when I was eight years old!)  I am so anxious to see my family in North Carolina again.

This whole situation with my dad has given me a serious paradigm shift about my life.  It's something that really has touched my heart this past few weeks.  This is a little personal, but this is my journal, so I'm recording my thoughts today on the matter.

My parents divorced when I was just twelve. I could count the times that I've seen my dad since their separation.  It was limited until I was married and even less after. I've mentioned that this was only the third time we'd been together in the past twenty-six years.  Dad and I have talked on the phone about once every year or two for all of these years.  Every conversation we ever had began with me answering the phone and hearing his voice, "Is this the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world?" and ended with him telling me, "Darlin', I love you so much."  We didn't need to be together for me to know that Dad meant these words. This last visit meant so much to us both.  The time spent together was perfect and it was as though we'd never been apart.   I loved it. 

Here's the thing that's hit me the hardest since seeing Dad in March.  When my parents divorced, and Dad was pretty much out of the picture, so was his family.  My grandparents kept in touch until they passed away.  But, I lost the only two first cousins on Dad's side with my parents divorce.  I lost extended family completely.  With the exception of my aunt, I have had no contact at all in fourty years with people who I loved and have, although limited, very sweet memories of from my childhood.  

Since my trip to North Carolina, I've reconnected with second cousins, great aunts and with my cousin Kent and his family for the first time.  It's been amazing.  I now have one big happy family living in the south, who are as much a part of my life today as they would have been, had my parents never divorced.  Through the years, after the divorce, my mom has never had much to say about Dad's family...and what she has said, hasn't usually been good.   AND SO.  I now have a family, who I am discovering are awesome, giving and wonderful people.  They've welcomed me right back into the family as though I've always been there.  They are keeping in touch, sending photos, writing emails, planning our next get-together in the fall.   I am loving it! 

I love family.  For most of my life, I've never lived near family. For most of my life since I was twelve, my family has been my mother and my brother, who I have a very distant relationship to.  No grandparents on either side and limited contact with Mom's side of the family, who I adore and relish the childhood memories of our times together.  Now, all of a sudden, I have a whole "other side" of family to love and cherish!  It's been awesome.  In a sense, I feel as though a part of me that was dead for all of these years, has come to life again! I'm finding out more about who I am than I ever knew possible.  And I love it.  LOVE LOVE LOVE it! I'm so excited for fall to come, to make this trip, to reconnect with this family in person!  It will be awesome! (This photo is of my second cousins, Angie and Patty, and Granddaddy's sisters, Hattie and Patty.  You can tell we're family.)

I'm also so thankful for Doug's enthusiasm about this.  Doug's extended family are the most amazing people I've ever known.  I consider it a privilege to be a part of his family. I have never felt judged by his aunts, uncles and cousins for my family, my upbringing and our differences.   Like Doug, they accept me for who I am and from where I came. We joke that he's from pioneer stock and I'm from Woodstock.  And it's so true.  Yet,  Doug appreciates these differences, says they make us who we are today and he loves my family immensely.  He teases me because he can tell when I'm on the phone to them because my little southern drawl comes out. He loves hearing the news each day of what's happening in North Carolina.  I'm so excited about all of this.  It amazes me that at age fifty-two, I'm getting to know my family.  And loving every second of it.

I have been asked by several friends, "How's your mom handling all of this?"  Well, honestly, it's not been her favorite thing.  But, I've learned another thing through all of this.  It's okay to stop someone mid-sentence, respectfully, and ask them, "If you can't say something nice, please just don't say anything at all."  I understand that this has to be hard for her, but it is what it is. We're all growing through it.

Family matters.  That's all there is to it.  How grateful I am for this "second chance".  I wrote this last week... ZJ's mother's day card mentioned that she "loved my North Carolina style".  I'm so grateful that my children will have a little more influence from the goodness of my dad's family.  Our religions may be night and day different. (Pentecostal and LDS)  Our accents may sound funny to each other.  (Southern and Utahn)  We may eat differently. (Granola-man/cattle ranch style and greasy-fried southern!)  But.  We are family.  And fourty years apart hasn't change that.  I am so blessed.  Enough said.

In every conceivable manner, the family is
link to our past, bridge to our future.

Comments

[USE]

I'm so happy that this family reunion has brought you so much joy. We go through life with so many misconceptions. I'm glad you have this happiness!

[Pamela K.]

When looking at your pictures, I was thinking that you couldn't deny you were family if you tried. I can't get over how much you resemble each other. Your cousin on the far left in the second pic, I thought might be you. Very nice looking family. :-)

I'm sorry your mom is giving you a hard time. I know she probably fears she's losing her baby girl to her ex. Just keep doing what you are doing and she will come around. I'm just so happy that you reconnected with your dad and his family. That is God's Grace in action. God is so good! :-)

Continuing to pray for your dad's health and look forward to more pictures and stories from your next trip to the Carolinas.

[Betsy]

I am so happy for you that you are re-connecting with all your North Carolina relatives! I have to say I'm a little partial to North Carolina and the people who live here! :) Did you say your dad was a Lumbi Indian?? I have several friends who are. Anyway...I agree with you that family is everything. What a wonderful time in your life!

By the way...I have been so busy lately that I am just now catching up on blog reading, but the pictures of Gracie and ZJ that you took recently are absolutely gorgeous! They are both such sweet and pretty little girls! I know you love them so much!

Have a great day, Sophia!

[JaYne]

I've always thought you favored your mom. But the more pictures I see of the women in your family, I see a bit of Sophia in all of them! A smile here, the eyes there, it's amazing!
Reuniting is wonderful, isn't it?

[Debra Guerrero]

Oh Sophia, love the post. I understand and totally agree with your quote as well. I grew up very similar, the hurtful remarks and all (though I have to say my Daddy very seldom said anything negative.) My Dad's way was just not to say anything. My oldest brother didn't want a relationship with my dad, my two middle brothers do not want anything to do with my mother, hmmmm. I have always felt lucky to have a close relationship with both my parents.
Regardless of what has gone on in the past, once a person is gone, it is just to late to mend those bridges. My oldest brother found that out the hard way, and it broke my heart to see him deal with the fact that it was to late. I hope the other two brothers realize this, but....
Hold tight to the differences in each family member - that is what makes us who we are.