epiphany

So, I had an epiphany.  I didn't like it, but I had it.  Yesterday morning, Liza and Buddy headed to Phoenix for a few days to do some house hunting, job searching, just to check it out and see if they love it enough to pick up their lives and move there for Buddy to go to school.  She dropped Oops,their pooch, by for us to tend while they are gone.  We hugged goodbye and I smiled until she left.  I was sick.  Everytime I thought about it, I'd immediately pull my famous "Scarlett Ohara" line self-talk, "I won't think about that today.  I'll think about that tomorrow."  I'd tear up.  I'd get upset.  I'd tear up some more.  And then... I got this text.   They were crossing into Arizona.  (And making good time, I noticed.)

 

I could feel Liza's excitement.  My heart softened.  Then, a while later, I got this one.  When I got this one, I thought, EEWWWW.  WHY would you want to move there!?

 

Later in the day, I got this.  I thought, "WOW!!  THAT's beautiful!"  They got to see the Grand Canyon!  But, then I crankily thought, "They could do that on any vacation.  They don't have to move there to see it."  Grrrr.

 

Then I got this one, and my heart melted.  I knew that it was time for me to "put on my big girl panties", quit my whining and self-pity and be excited for my daughter's new adventures in life!  I couldn't stop looking at the picture.  Does Liza look happy or what?

 

Carol and I met at Chili's for dinner shortly after this text came.  She's been on vacation.  We were catching up on each others'  lives and all that's happened in the past two weeks.  I told her that Liza and Buddy were on their way to Phoenix.  Her immediate response was "I'm so sorry."  Then she got a big grin and said, "We're going to Phoenix next winter!!  Woohoo!"  This was the first time that I really got excited about this news.  We can head south in the winter for fun and games together.  Happiness!

Finally, I got this last text.

 

I called Liza on my way home from Chili's.  They were just driving past a road sign that said, "Entering Phoenix City Limits".  (Yes, Carol and I were at Chili's for over two hours gabbing.) I can honestly say that I was happy for them.  For the first time.  Really happy.  I asked for permission to share the photo of her and Buddy at the Grand Canyon.  She wasn't too thrilled about it.  But.  I am opting, for the first time ever, to disregard her wishes about publishing about Liza's life on my blog. (I always ask for her permission first, to respect their privacy.) She said that it wasn't a good picture.  BUT.  Look at that photo. She's beautiful.  She's so in love with Buddy.  They love their life together.  They are excited for their future.  She looks amazing! 

And so, this morning, I'm honestly and truly happy about their move.  Of course, my heart will break in two the day that they leave.  I'll probably cry a thousand times between now and then.  But, I'm going to hold onto these feelings that I'm having today, looking forward to visiting them in Sunny Arizona when it's 12 below zero here in Cache Valley.  I'm proud of Buddy's efforts to be his best, excited for their future, most grateful for my daughter's happiness.  If they come home on Monday and say that they chose not to stay, I'll be thrilled.   But, at this point, I'll be almost as happy that they are going!  Enough said.

The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists.

Comments

[Marilyn]

I hate having to be mature (i.e. big girl panties....) The steps of grieving are okay...you'll find a new normal. I hope you and Carol decide to go IN THE WINTER! Can you even imagine the temperature there now? Thanks goodness for air conditioning! (I hear house prices are at a steal there as well!)

[Pamela K.]

((((HUGS))))) I know how hard this is on you. I love that picture of Buddy and Liza as well. They look so young, happy and excited for the future. It made me smile and I don't even know them! We visited northern Arizona last year when we visited family and I can honestly say that I saw beauty even in the bleakest landscape. Never thought I would, since I'm a four seasons kind of gal. I'm so happy for Buddy and Liza and hope everything goes well with their future plans. Maybe we can hook up when us "snowbirds" go to Phoenix to thaw out in the middle of January.;-)