contention

Earlier tonight, I had a call from a friend who shared that I'd hurt some feelings a while back.  I had no idea that I'd done so.  But, I did.  It was never my intent.  A decision that I made, made others feel bad. Again, I had no idea.  I had my reasons for the decision and followed my heart, but regardless, others took it wrong and have felt badly about it since.  It was some time ago.   And unfortunately, I learned that one of the reasons that I'd made the decision was my own lack of seeing things more clearly.  Come to find out, all this time later, we were all misreading each other.  Sadly, a little more communication and understanding would have saved us all some hurt feelings.      

Recently, a comment was made where I immediately felt a little "ouch". I didn't dwell on it or let it get to me and I moved forward, but, at the moment, it seemed blatantly obvious that the statement was directed toward me.  A week later, in talking with the friend about an entirely different situation, they mentioned a specific about that comment and, come to find out, their intent had nothing to do with me at all!  How grateful I was that I'd not let that little "assumption" become an issue in an important relationship.

Simarly, another situation occurred where I'd written something and someone had read it, feeling like I was referring to them.  Not once, ever,  or even closely had that person entered my mind at all!  It had nothing to do with them.  Thankfully, they mentioned it to me and I could clear the situation immediately. 

Tonight. I'm left wondering what can I do, all this time later, to clear the air and make sure that those who took offense to my actions, again that were not at all personal or directed toward them, can understand that.   I need to make it right.  Life is so dang complicated sometimes.

We all have feelings.  We all immediately think of our own situations and circumstances because we are walking in our own shoes, not someone else's.  We can't know all the details and facts that contribute to others' lives and actions. It's human nature, for even the least self-centered person, to assume things may be directed toward theirself.  When nothing could be further from the truth most of the time.  

I have an acquaitance who has much drama in their life and many challenges with people in their life. It didn't take very long, being around this person, who desparately needed a friend, to see how and why their life is so complicated.  In most cases, they ask for it.  Unfortunate, but true.  "As a man thinketh, so is he."

I was reading in the scriptures today, where Christ said, "For verily, verily, I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another." (Book of Mormon, 3 Nephi 11:29)

Boy, that's so true.  Satan just loves for people to not get along.  Instead of wondering why "they" did that to us, we should tell ourselves that "they" would never do that intentionally or to harm us.  "They" are just trying to stay afloat emotionally like the rest of us.  Doug always says,"Look for the good in people and you'll find it."  He's such a great example of being a good-finder.  That verse was on my mind all afternoon.  And then that phonecall.   Contention is so ugly.  It gets us nowhere.  Life's too short to waste a second on it.  Assume the best of everyone.  I say it again... Praise loudly, blame softly.  Enough said.

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because some day in life you will have been all of these.

Comments

[Pamela K.]

AMEN!

[cindy]

I think in having a blog be so public you run the risk of offending people. Or putting your foot in your mouth, or just saying the wrong thing. You can't please everyone all the time. So the saying goes. I think if you are going to blog about everything in your life, and have it be public, that's the risk. You ARE going to offend people, you ARE going to say the wrong thing, etc. There is just no getting around it. Yes, you might not mean to, but sometimes ya just do. HA. I learned this when I was blogging. My daughter was involved in a friendship that turned ugly. Very. I blogged about. Little did I know that some people were reading it. It turned ugly, and I learned my lesson. I don't blog about very personal stuff like that anymore, and I deleted my public blog. I just do NOT have the time or energy to deal with people like that. People that were obviously stalking my daughter. It was downright creepy. Soo..I guess what I'm trying to say..is that when it comes to public blogging, YES, it's YOUR thoughts, it's your blog, BUT be prepared for fall out. It's the nature of the beast.

[susan]

again...good stuff,Sophia. My take on blogs, at least my blog, is that it's there for my thoughts. Usually when I go nuts about something I've already done so with a person, or a thing...and it's my way of venting. And it's my blog. I get to say what I want. No one has to read me, nor try to fix things (and why do we have to fix things always or feel the need?). I sit here wondering where the guilt lies in reality. I'm guessing not with your blog entries (nor mine). It's always great to start my morning reading you.