Where to begin...
If you've followed this blog for anytime, you know that we've been for quite the rollercoaster ride with our daughter, Kelly, since she was fourteen. This past month has been the wildest ride yet. On Halloween night, Kelly came by with Zaylee, both dressed in costumes, for a short visit. They only stayed a bit, said goodbye and then Kelly left Zaylee to spend the night with her licensed day-care provider. (She tends Zaylee after school while Kelly is working.) Zaylee was happy to spend the night with her while Kelly attended a concert/party in Ogden, which is the city over the mountain, 45 miles south.
I wasn't happy about the situation because I think that it's a family night, not a friend night... especially if you are the mom. I didn't say much because it wouldn't have made a difference and because we are trying to maintain a better relationship with Kelly, in order to be able to see Zaylee more often.
Doug and I went to bed at midnight and at 1:50AM, my cellphone rang. It was a very hysterical Kelly,"Mom, you know that I wouldn't mess up now, Mom! You know it!" ("Now" was referring to the fact that she's less than three weeks from having her DCFS case closed, after seventeen months of jumping through their hoops to prove herself, successfully.) After a few minutes of this, I still could not understand, A) because of her sobbing and B) because we were awakened from a dead sleep. What I did get out of it was that she'd been pulled over for driving the wrong way on an unfamiliar one-way street. I finally asked to speak to the officer so that I could understand what was happening.
The officer told me that he'd done the breathalizer test and that she had passed it, but he was sure that she was probably using drugs because of her poor driving and because she'd been bawling without any tears for 20 minutes. That's normal, I told him. She's good at crying with no tears, as she's had lots of experience. I also told him that she's probably the worst driver in Utah. And then I explained that any other time in the past 20 years, I'd have said he was probably right. BUT... I explained, she has been drug-free for the past seventeen months while fighting for her life to keep from losing her daughter to the state and that she's been going through an even nastier divorce with a man who'd been convicted of child endangerment to her daughter. AND that the case was less than three weeks from being closed because, for the first time in forever, she is doing what she was supposed to be doing. The officer apologized and said, "I can't let her go. With her history and her behavior right now, I just can't. No tears, her heart is racing... Even though she passed the first test, I've done drug testing. If she's clean, we'll let her go as soon as we get the results of the drug test back." Again, I told him that this was the first time ever that I would almost assure him she was not using anything, but I understood that he had to do his job. He had listened to Kelly's pleas to, at least, let her call me to let me know that I would need to pick Zaylee up in the morning.
That was on November 1st. For the next five days, we had Zaylee here at our home. Kelly was supposed to see the judge on Tuesday morning and be home as soon as the test results came back proving that she was drug-free. NEVER not once in all these years have we accepted a collect call from the jail or bailed her out of her troubles. We are firm believers in tough love and in "the choices you make today determine your happiness tomorrow!" HOWEVER. This time, we both believed the tests would come back drug free. Kelly has done amazingly well in her efforts to get Zaylee back. She'd done every single thing that DCFS required... has a home, she's been at the same job for over four years, she's separated from her husband, she's changed a lot of her friends... the list goes on. We did accept the first call ever from Kelly, to find out what was happening. Again, she assured us that she was going to have negative results come back on the drug tests...and again... for the first... ever... we believed in her.
I'll spare the gorey details, and trust me, it's been a nightmare... but in the past month....
Kelly's husband broke into her home, ransacked it, took what he wanted all while I was sitting up the street waiting for a police officer to go with me to the home to take care of Zaylee's little dog. As I drove by and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle was there, I called the police to ask for someone to go with me. When the husband pulled away, the officer followed him, pulled him over and he blatantly lied, telling the officer that he was "helping take care of his wife's dog". Okey dokey then. The officer even noticed all the things in his truck but had to let him go????? Because they are still married. Go figure!?????
Kelly's dog was locked in a bedroom with no food or water until it was rescued by a neighbor and Kelly's landlord days later. That was a whole other story.
Zaylee was "removed" again from Kelly's care and placed in a foster home again. Because Kelly was incarcerated and Zaylee was taken back into custody of DCFS, plans for permanent termination were begun. The new foster family is caring and wonderful. We have felt blessed to know that she was with this family, who've been more than generous and kind in allowing us to spend time with Zaylee and give her some of the much needed security of family in the midst of this nightmare.
But, in the meantime, it's been a huge upset in our family. Trying to decide what's best for Zaylee, what will cause the least permanent damage to our family, trying to salute to DCFS, trying to keep Zaylee front and center in our hearts and prayers. I can't even begin to share the trauma and emotion of the past few weeks. Partly because it hurts to talk about it. Partly because we aren't "allowed" to share DCFS details. In the meantime, I will share, plans were being made for Zaylee to be officially relocated and placed in Liza and Buddy's care with future plans for adoption to take place.
Kelly lost her daughter, her job, her car, her belongings and the list goes on. All the while, she was still insisting that she was innocent. That, alone, was painful to watch... knowing that she's been so good for so long and tried so hard, yet, DCFS was still seeing that there are still missing factors that Zaylee needs in her life. Trying to consider what would be best for Zaylee, for Aylabelle if Liza and Buddy adopt Zaylee, how this would affect our family dynamics... It's really an emotional rollercoaster.
During the month, I spent countless hours dealing with it all. I could write a book. It's just unbelievable what we've experienced this past few weeks.
LONG story short... last Friday, a friend of Kelly's called the court and it was discovered that the paperwork in our county that cleared her had not been sent to the county in Ogden. The paperwork was immediately sent and she was able to be released. The drug tests, all three that the officer did, came back showing no alcohol and no drugs. Kelly had spent 27 days in jail. All was settled, her name was cleared. All charges were dropped. All fines were dropped. Apologies were even been made.
Her boss even called her and asked her to come back to work. She hadn't called work because she didn't think she stood a chance of returning. Her landlord has been very understanding. And yesterday, it was decided by DCFS that Zaylee would be returned to Kelly as soon as she settles back into her life, work and can bring her home. That should be in the next few days.
We fasted and prayed, as a family, that whatever happened, we would all be able to accept and that Zaylee would be secure and know that she is loved. There were so many prayers. The end result has been shocking to us all. Thankfully, every test came back and showed the Kelly had not messed up. It's a good sign. She's still got a long way to go, no doubt. But, she's trying. And she fought hard.
It's been an emotional roller-coaster for us all. Logistically, the outcome could have been devastating to our family in so many ways. My prayers and thoughts have been consumed by this whole situation. In the end, as many close friends have asked how we are all doing, we are happy for Kelly, hopeful for Zaylee, grateful for Liza and Buddy, who are amazing to ride this ride with us all.
I would be lying if I didn't say that I was still angry that Kelly even chose to leave Zaylee on Halloween night in the first place. If she'd have been "in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing" (our family motto), this would have never happened. But, she was there as a designated driver. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I've had every other emotion in the book from anger, to grief, to pain, to sorrow. MANY tears were shed this past month. These situations that Kelly's drama brings to our lives are always emotional, but this one... WOW! There are not enough words to even begin to describe.
It's all worked out in the end. Kelly's proven herself in many different ways here... some good. Some, not so. But, she's continuing to try. That's huge. She has shown growth through this experience. We are proud of her for her efforts. It's not over. It never is with Kelly. But, we are hopeful her. Thanks to so many friends and family for their prayers and concern and love. We've felt them. Truly.
As always, I'm open book. Life's not perfect for anyone. But, we are grateful for the challenges that help us learn and grow. Live joyfully!
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